Clara's Impossible Secret
by An Angels Tear
Summary: I watched Waterloo Road with Jenna Coleman in and that's where this has come from. Clara has an impossible secret and it's eating her up inside. Will she confess or will it end in tragedy? She's finding it harder and harder to keep up her façade, will it crumble? Bit of an AU regarding Clara's family.
1. Chapter 1: Clara Breaks Down

**A/N: Hey guys! This is my first fic, so don't be too harsh, but reviews would be lovely! Also, how lucky am I to come from the UK! Anyway, enough about me, enjoy.**

**BEWARE- SELF HARM  
Disclaimer-If I owned Doctor Who The Doctor would of snogged Clara by now.**

Chapter One: Clara Breaks Down.

Clara's POV

Clara's breath was ragged and sharp, quiet sobs leaking from her parted lips. Her eyes were bloodshot and glistened with tears, her cheeks stained with ones already shed. She hugged her knees and rocked gently, leaning back against the bath in her ensuite, when she spotted her razor on the edge of the sink. It took a split second before she was reaching up and grabbing it, twisting it menacingly in her hands.

She quickly dismantled it and held the cool metal of the blade against her warm skin, fresh tears flowing down the hot flesh of her cheeks, and she dragged the blade viciously, over and over again, deep cuts forming all the way up her arm. Her heart was pounding and her vision was blurring as crimson splattered the white tiles on the floor, contrasting the colours.

Her head span and she heard the clatter of the blade on the floor, but it sounded distant. The last she remembered when her head thudded against the cool tiles on the floor was that it was early Wednesday morning, before her vision faded into black.

DWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDW

The Doctors POV

The Doctor was in the console room, grinning to himself. "Clara today. Come on, old girl. You know where to go." he patted the console lovingly and pulled down the lever, clinging on for dear life. Suddenly the TARDIS made a groaning sound, and shuddered to a stop. "What is it? What's wrong?" He stroked the console in reassurance, confused. It was only Clara, what was wrong with that? The TARDIS groaned again and the doors swung open with a bang. A grin broke out on the Doctors face and he quickly straightened his bow tie and smoothed his hair before checking the date and time. A Wednesday, 3:17. 'Oh well, Clara can come early' he thought as he stepped out the TARDIS and went round collecting pebbles. He began to throw them at Clara's window, but after 20 minutes and getting no response his brow crinkled into a frown. 'She should of answered by now.'

He didn't want to wake the others up, so quietly soniced the door and crept up the stairs to Clara's bedroom. He paused outside it and knocked. "Clara?" he whispered. "Clara? I'm coming in." he opened the door slowly, but couldn't see her in her bed. He quickly shut the door behind him and looked around. "Clara? Clara, where are you?" He saw a door with a crack of light seeping through and decided to check there. He was half relieved and half worried when he found it wasn't locked. He pushed the door open and gasped, eyes widening. "Clara! No, no no no no no. Stay with me, Clara, stay with me." He had pulled her into his lap and was stroking the silky locks out of her face, inspecting her arms. "I'm going to need some bandages." he muttered to himself, taking his jacket off and laying it over Clara before frantically searching the cupboards. He found a first aid and practically ripped the front off in his haste to help Clara.

He dabbed at her cuts gently, clearing up the blood before slowly winding the bandage round her arm, stopping the bleeding. Once he'd finished he picked her up and carried her to bed, pulling off her blood soaked top with his eyes shut before slipping his jacket round her shoulders and covering her with a blanket. He went back and mopped the blood off the tiles and binned the razor blade, quickly returning to Clara's side. He pushed away her fringe from her burning forehead and laid a gentle kiss on the skin, lingering a little longer than usual before taking one of her hands in his. "Oh Clara. I promise, it'll be okay now."


	2. Chapter 2: Worries and Secrets

**A/N: Hey guys! I got a bow tie! Cosplay complete! Reviews would be lovely, and enjoy!**

BEWARE: TRIGGERING AND SWEARING  
Disclaimer: If I owned Doctor Who then Clara would of made the TARDIS a snog box already.

Chapter 2: Worries and Secrets

The Doctor stayed by her bed, holding her hand tightly, willing her to be better. Worry was etched on his face, eyes drowning with it. Why would Clara do this to herself? She was happy. Or at least she seemed it.

Suddenly, a knock came at the door, dragging the Doctor out of his thoughts. "Clara? Are you alright?" Artie's voice. The Doctor groaned inwardly and got up quietly, unlocking the door and opening it enough so he could see Artie. "Clara's not feeling well." He whispered. "She needs some rest." Artie looked up at the Doctor worriedly. "Will she be okay?" The Doctor plastered on a fake smile and nodded. "Yeah. Look, take five pounds and go to the cinema with Angie, okay?" He handed Artie the money and shut the door, sighing heavily.

Clara shifted in her sleep, her face twisting into an expression of pain and discomfort. She curled up in herself and moaned quietly, covers balled up in her fists and skin burning hot.

The Doctor was by her side in an instant, stroking her forehead, clutching at her hand as if it was a lifeline. He didn't move from that spot for hours, eyes trained on her expressions, intent on keeping her as calm and comfortable as possible. It seemed like forever, but eventually, her eyes opened.

Clara awoke with a soft sigh, eyes fluttering open and suddenly she had a face flu of tweed and a pair of strong arms around her, a startled expression now on her face. But then she remembered what had happened, and her face twisted into a look of embarrassment and horror at the Doctor finding her in such a weak state.

"Clara! Oh my Clara! I thought you were never going to wake up!" He pulled back just enough to look her in the eyes, long fingers trailing down her cheek. "Clara, what led you to do this?" His voice was quiet and soft, eyes searching hers for an answer.

Clara bit her lip and looked away, twiddling her mothers ring round her finger quickly, like she always did when she was nervous or unhappy. There was no getting out of this one, he would dig it out of her eventually. But that didn't mean she couldn't postpone telling him.

"Clara?" His voice was laced with worry, arms holding her tight as if she might disappear if he let her go. "Please, Clara. I'm worried about you. I can't stand to see you like this." His hearts broke seeing this impossible girl, who always seemed so strong, this impossible girl who he loved break down and do something like this.

Her eyes were glued to the wall, unable to look at him. "My life's not fucking perfect, Doctor. Everyone makes mistakes. Someone said something and I didn't take it too well, did something stupid that I did when I was a kid. And before you say anything, no, it doesn't matter."

His mouth shut slowly, thin fingers reaching Clara's chin. He tilted her head towards him and he looked her in the eyes. "In over 900 years of time and space, I've never had anything or anyone that didn't matter." He forced his eyes to stay locked on to hers, in danger of looking down to those oh so kissable lips of hers.

"Yeah, well, get something new every day." She struggled out his arms and rolled over so she didn't face him, not knowing how she would react if she saw his eyes. "A tea would be good thanks."

The Doctor looked at her, expression of a broken and worried man. Those eyes held so much grief, so much pain. He listened to her carefully, and sighed. "Tea, okay." He stood up slowly, walking over to the door and opening it before looking back at her, still facing the wall. He hung his head and left the room, trudging downstairs to make the tea. And unknown to him, Clara was quietly sobbing her heart out, wondering why she was getting this kindness.


	3. Chapter 3: Tears and Declarations

**A/N: Hey! Thanks for all the followers so far, there's a bit of fluff in this chapter, just to ease off the feels a bit.**

Chapter 3: Tears and Declarations

The Doctor leaned on the counter heavily, head hanging low. He sighed and turned around, flinging open cupboards in his anger. He was angry at himself for not noticing sooner, for letting her become this way. "Stupid Doctor, selfish Doctor. Always focusing on yourself, never anyone else. Stupid, selfish Doctor." He yelled and punched a wall, leaving a dent, and suddenly all the anger drained from him, leaving him sad and weary.

Clara waited until the Doctor left the room before letting her heart out, pillow soaked with salty tears. It took her a short while, but eventually the waterfall stopped, and she shakily got up, arms weak. Stumbling to the bathroom, she looked at herself in the mirror. Her hair was stiff with blood, eyes puffy, cheeks red. She looked a mess.

She turned to go out the bathroom, leaning heavily on her good arm when she heard a scream, followed by a quiet thud. Her eyes widened in surprise, completely forgetting about her pain and she tried to reach her door but her body wouldn't allow it. She felt dizzy and her legs wouldn't move any further, so she resigned to her bed wearily,eyes locked onto the door.

The Doctor chuck tea bags into two mugs, reaching out for the boiled kettle when he spotted his hand, cut and bleeding. Another sigh drifted from his lips but he carried on, pouring the scalding water into the mugs and adding a splash of milk and a few dashes of sugar before making his way slowly up the stairs.

Clara saw the handle slowly shift downwards and by force of habit she curled away from the door before breathing a sigh of relief when she saw the Doctors huge, but adorable, chin peak out. Two mugs of tea followed, and then the rest of him, his floppy hair swinging past his eyes like it always did. "Hey."

The Doctor turned his head to her voice, hearing the lighter tone and his lips curled up slightly. "Hey. Brought you some tea." He placed them on the bedside table carefully, not an uncoordinated mess for once. "Careful, it's hot." He warned when she reached out to grab it.

She nodded and retracted her arms, fiddling nervously with her mothers wedding ring. She couldn't ignore the flutters in her stomach anymore, heart pounding as he took her hand in his. He was calling her name, but all she could think about was how mesmerising his eyes were, drowning in the pools of green. Her eyes glanced down to his lips, so red, so beautiful.

The Doctor looked at her, confused. "Clara?" He'd called her name three times but she hadn't reacted, just sitting there with this sort of, dreamy look on her face. Suddenly she was shifting towards him, pulling him closer, hands snaking up his arms. He swallowed thickly and stuttered, feeling nervous. "C-Clara?"

She hadn't even realised she had been doing it, but now she felt the soft strands of his silky hair under her fingers, his lips just inches from hers, his cheeks red hot and his hands not knowing where to put themselves. She giggled, biting her lip before glancing down at his lips again, hinting.

The Doctors hands fumbled about, his heart pounding, breath quickening. How did this Impossible Girl do such impossible things to him? He smiled uncertainly when she giggled, her hands removing themselves from his hair, which he was slightly disappointed about. He was about to move away, hoping she had changed her mind, but before he could do so she was placing his hands round her waist, giggling at his awkwardness.

Clara couldn't hold it anymore. Her head moved closer and closer to his, her lips aching for his, and suddenly she was kissing him. Her hands slid up further into his hair and she moaned softly, the Doctor finally reacting to the sudden passion. Her eyes shut slowly, as did his, her heart racing with love.

The Doctor was startled by this sudden- what should he call it, declaration? Yes, declaration of her feelings got him. She moaned and the buzz got him moving, arms snaking further round his waist, pulling her closer. Their lips never left each other, desperate, _hungry_ for each other, warmth flowing through their lips.

Her tongue glided across his bottom lip, slowly sliding in when he ready agreed, battling his tongue and exploring the new territory. Eventually, she reluctantly pulled away, breathing heavily and resting her forehead against his. "I need you to trust me, Doctor. I'll tell you in time, but I want to know that you won't leave me. Because my heart will shatter if you do. I... I love you, Doctor."

He listened to her words carefully, pulling back slightly and cupping her cheek. "I could never leave you, never. And I will always trust you, no matter what. I will always be there for you, and if your heart ever breaks, I don't want it to be because of me. I want to be there to help you put it back together." He paused and swallowed, breathing faster as he prepared to say those words, the most important words in the universe to him. "I love you, Clara."


	4. Chapter 4: Recovering and Laughs

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews, follows and favourites guys! As always, more reviews would be lovely, so enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: If I owned Doctor Who Clara would live with the Doctor by now.**

Chapter 4: Recovering and Laughs

The Doctor sat with her for days, doing anything she wanted and needed. He brought her water and soup and read her books and hugged her when she cried. He made sure that Angie and Artie didn't disturb her, sending them off to places and letting them go to sleepovers so Clara would have more privacy. About 4 days later, the kids were out, and the Doctor had made a decision. "I think you're better enough to venture downstairs."

Clara was thankful of the Doctor. It must be hell for him, staying in one place for more than a day, but he never complained. It was peaceful in the house, the kids were almost always out, and if they were in they kept to downstairs as much as possible. Then one day the Doctor made a decision. "Really? That's great! Let's try now!"

He held his hands up to stop her moving. "Hey, you might want to move that glass off your lap before you do." She giggled and placed it on the side, a grin spreading across his features as she did. "Now you're ready to go." He helped her sit up carefully, feeling the slight tremble in her arms from not using them as often.

She pushed the covers off her legs and swung them round slowly, feet now dangling above the floor. She reached for the Doctors arm and gripped it tightly, legs shaking with the sudden pressure. She stood up though, and waited a few seconds before letting out a happy squeal. "I can stand!"

He grinned and nodded, making sure that she was still holding part of him as he went behind her. "I'll hold you from behind; that way if you fall it'll be easier to catch you."

She gave a nod and took a few slow steps forward, a smile spread across her lips. She opened the door and walked out, stalling as she reached the top of the stairs.

The Doctor went in front of her, gripping her hands gently but firmly. "Look, no matter what happens, I'm always going to save you, whether that means from a Cyberman or a flight of stairs. I promise." He saw her give a hesitant nod and he grinned, positioning himself in a steady position. "First step now, slow and steady."

She leaned on the Doctor as she took her first step, legs almost crippling. She lost her balance and began to fall forward, letting out a yelp. She felt the Doctor beneath her, his arms wrapping round her waist as he tried to stop her from being the one who hit the bottom of the stairs. He managed it and let out a small groan, a hand coming up to feel the bump that was already appearing on the back of his head.

Clara tilted her head up and gasped, worried. "I am so sorry! Are you okay? Did you break anything? Do you have concussion? Are you bleeding?" She fretted, eyes scanning his face which was currently curled in discomfort.

He began to chuckle at her panicking and opened his eyes, his calm green ones staring into her troubled chocolate ones. "Hey, I'm okay. Just a bang to the head, that's all. Nothing to worry about. I heal faster than humans, remember?" He helped her up before standing himself, brushing a few stray locks of hair from her forehead. "I'm fine. I promise."

She nods and hugs him tightly before pulling back and giving him a small smile. "I think stairs should wait for a little bit." She held his arm as they slowly made their way to the kitchen, her feet hot against the cool floor.

He grinned and swung her up onto a counter, giggling as she let out a surprised yelp. He placed his hands hesitantly on her waist and smiled, laying a small kiss on her lips. "How about we make a soufflé?" What she didn't know was that he had been researching how to make soufflés for the past few days, practicing and getting flour everywhere. He'd had to make quite a few trips out to buy more ingredients.

She bopped him on the nose, smirking. "Why yes, I think we shall." She giggled and carefully slid off the counter, making her way over to the fridge. She grabbed the eggs, milk and cream before pointing out the cupboard that the Doctor needed to get flour and sugar out of.

The Doctor went along with it, deciding that she could be wowed by his amazing soufflé making abilities, getting the ingredients and placing them on the counter. He reached into a low down cupboard and got out a bowl and spoon, placing them on the counter as well.

"Been rummaging through the kitchen, have you?" She grinned, cracking eggs into a bowl and beginning to whisk them to make them fluffy. "We need 4 tablespoons of flour and 6 of sugar. Can you manage that, chin?"

He scoffed. "Can I manage it? I singlehandedly rebooted the universe! I think I can manage some flour." He rummaged through the cupboards and found the measuring spoon and measured out the correct amounts before an idea popped into his head, and he grinned. Taking a handful of flour, he crept up behind Clara and threw it in her face, immediately bursting out with laughter.

Clara was busy whisking the eggs when she suddenly got a face full of white, letting out a gasp. "Doctor!" She spun around, spying him doubled over laughing, so she grabbed the bag of flour and threw it on his head, her face exploding with giggles.

"Oi! He grabbed the bag off his head and tipped it on her, emptying the rest of the bag on her. "Ha! No more flour! I win!"

Clara grinned. "No you haven't!" She wrestled him to the floor and tipped the sugar over him, laughing so hard she had tears in her eyes. "You-ahaha-look-hahahha-hilarious!" She chuckled, standing up to clean herself up in a bathroom. She went into one downstairs, just outside the kitchen,

"Well you look like a snowman!" He called after her retreating figure, standing up and brushing himself off. "Gonna need to change my clothes. But I don't want to leave Clara. Ah! Mr Maitlands clothes! I can borrow his!" He ran upstairs and took off his clothes, finding a pair of jeans and a tightish deep blue t-shirt. He put them on, doing a strange dance to get used to the new material. "Blimey, how do people wear this?" He ran downstairs again, feet thundering on the stairs.

Clara still had a grin on her face as she pulled her dress off over her head, brushing it down before wetting a flannel and cleaning the flour off her face, eyes squeezed tightly shut as she rubbed soap over her cheeks. She dried her face and looked at her dress. "I'm going to have to get another one." She opened the door and poked her head out, seeing no one and tried to get to the stairs, falling onto the sofa halfway there. She tried to get up but her body wouldn't allow it, head spinning.

The Doctor walked past the sofa, looking for Clara, wandering back into the kitchen when he saw a movement out the corner of his eye, spying a foot dangling off the sofa. "Clara!" He rushed over to her, blushing at the lack of her clothing.

A small groan came from her lips as she held a hand to her head, trying to focus on him. "Too tired. Can't go upstairs." She curled up away from him releasing the lack of clothing. He may be her boyfriend but that didn't mean she wasn't shy.

He quickly covered her with a blanket and set her upright, cuddling her gently. "Maybe it was a bit too much activity for your first day moving." He looked for the remote and turned the tv on, turning down the volume so it was quiet. "I've got you. It's all okay."

She snuggled into him, trying to focus on what was on, but her eyes slowly closed, sleep overcoming her.

The Doctor felt her breathing level out and looked down at her, a smile on his lips. "Sweet dreams, Clara." He whispered, pressing a kiss to her forehead. He yawned, feeling exhausted, and laid down on the sofa, bringing Clara with him. He held her close as his eyes shut.


End file.
